Thursday, November 2, 2006

control.

most of us would want to be in control. in control of what's happening around. of what's in your mind. of what you feel. because basically, being in control means strength.
but what if you lose grip? what if things start to fall apart? comes tumbling down right in front of you? can you handle the crash?
few are able to hold it together, simply because it's but really hard to. it's like seeing your most precious possession trapped in fire. it's there, just meters away from you. but what can you do? you see it, burning. you can't get it back. just trying to get near hurts, and you might just get burned. being in control is more likely to be the same as that. or more. you know that certain time in your life when everything you ever dreamed of suddenly abandons you? every little thing you held on tightly to just slips off of your grasp and you just don't know why. questions build up. doubts grow. and answers are nowhere to be found. you get mad. you cry. you try laughing it all off. you go crazy. you just, lose it.
now you begin to wonder about what's happening next. is it gonna be good this time? or will it hurt just like it did?
losing control. it takes pretty damn hard to regain. you find yourself wishing it never happened because you know it is easier that way. you might never have to hurt that much. but you are hurting now. and it quietly ruins you. it silently breaks you inside. and there is nothing you can do about it.
you lie in bed each night, constantly trying your best to figure out how you can take it all back to where you started. back when you were strong. before your fall. that moment when you had it all in your hands. something. someone took that all away from you. gone.
now you wait as hope leaves you empty. you pray for something. for someone to fix you, and your broken pieces. but after all, no matter who or what is gonna bring you back whole, and no matter how they do it, it still won't change the fact that once, you got shattered. you were torn. you went weak, and lost control.

1 comments:

karla said...

shey! miss u. galinggaling muh. :)

 
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