Monday, June 29, 2009

If Only

"If only I don't bend and break, I'll meet you on the other side. I'll meet you in the light."
as i once have read, when you're not ready, you just are not.
no matter how perfect or no matter how comforting the situation,
it just wouldn't work.
because you're not ready.
and why the hell am i not ready?
why when after all that's happened,
after all that's been said and done,
the investments i made,
we made.
there isn't anybody else.
no show-stopper.
there's just you,
and me.
now, how do i make sense of this?
"If only I don't suffocate, I'll meet you in the morning when you wake."

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

I Hate

i woke up this morning feeling like wanting to throw everything into the drain. i felt like it's worth nothing of my time, my efforts, or any bit of me. i felt that same feeling when i was breaking someone else's dreams. as if it's happening again. that strong determination. the coldness. the unwavering emotion of wanting to give it all up because it feels so wrong. how can it happen that i feel such sudden wave when just few days ago i was feeling sure i want it? i was pretty sure i wanted it. how can you wake up one morning and realize you don't want what you were so into building for the last working months of your life? how do you want to want to throw it all away when you know it's everything for somebody else? tragic. i know, or maybe i know, that tomorrow, later, or few days from now, this will all again change. i'll again want it like i used to. or want it even more. but why does this have to happen? why do i have to suddenly change my mind, then wanting to turn the tables up so fast? how can i manage to be so unfair? to be so unkind. to not think of nothing or no one but myself. to just be so damn selfish.

Monday, June 22, 2009


sometimes you meet people who seem to know you better than you do yourself. they make you realize how you are, or who you are. apart from what you already know of yourself, they make you see something else. they figure you out. they watch close enough to just know how you react to situations or how you respond to just about anything. somewhat, they seem to be studying you. going into your smallest details. and later on, you begin to ask yourself what made them dig into you. i mean, who pays that much attention?
i think it's something to be thankful for when people have taken time to know you. yet it's something to be more grateful about when they've known you and have chosen to still stay close. like feeling blessed to be loved and accepted for what you are and for what you are NOT.

Sunday, June 21, 2009

Just How Weird Is That

this is what i get for today's message from God. it's an app in facebook where i am subscribed to.

"Sherry got a message that on this day, God wants her to know...
... that decision is only wishful thinking until you take that first irreversible step.
You can tell yourself that you have already decided, that nothing now can stop you, but if that step backwards is so much safer than step forwards, what will hold you true to your path when the going gets tough? Sometimes, the right thing to do is to take that first irreversible step, the one after which you cannot go back. And now, for you, is one of those times."

Saturday, June 20, 2009


"...someone who isn't afraid to admit (he) misses you
...someone who knows you're not perfect, but treats you as if you are
...someone whose biggest fear is losing you
...someone who gives (his) heart completely
...someone who says, "I love you" and means it"
this is quoted from a text message i received from a friend some weeks ago. while reading and you think of a specific 'someone', that should really mean something, right? like you know well enough because you pay attention. you appreciate because you must've done something good to have that certain someone. then you actually feel lucky, realizing what you have.
though sometimes even when you are aware of what you have, you tend to not treat it the way it's supposed to be treated. it's not that you're ungrateful. sometimes you're just too aware of how great something is that you think you're undeserving. that you might just ruin its greatness along the way.
i don't exactly know how i reached this point. or maybe i do. i just don't want to accept or i just find it hard to accept it. it's unbelievably so true that it's scary. even when i know i should, i'd still choose not to. thinking once i went for it, it's going to start falling apart. that my truths would prove out to be wrong. that my certainties will return to doubts. then i'd start questioning what i was so sure of. some state of mind, huh? insane.
"I had no choice but to hear you
You stated your case time and again
I thought about it
You treat me like I'm a princess
I'm not used to liking that
You ask how my day was
Your love is thick and it swallowed me whole
You're so much braver than I gave you credit for
That's not lip service
You are the bearer of unconditional things
You held your breath and the door for me
Thanks for your patience
What took me so long?
I've never felt this healthy before
I've never wanted something rational
I am aware now
You've already won me over in spite of me
And don't be alarmed if I fall head over feet
Don't be surprised if I love you for all that you are
I couldn't help it
It's all your fault"

Friday, June 19, 2009

Good Morning

it's really a good morning when you wake up with the sun on your face, holding your cellphone that reads 'Please be informed that classes in all levels and offices at AUF are suspended today, June 19, due to heavy rains'. what a treat. no supposed to be quiz today. nice.

Thursday, June 18, 2009

Nearly Absent

this is what happens when you're sick and it's raining like hell outside and the sky's too cloudy and dark and it's just the first week of classes. this is what happens: i decide i won't to go to school. but for some miraculously cool reason, i get to receive a text message from my classmate saying classes are suspended. how great is that? just when i thought i was being lazy..haha! :)) i wasn't in my element as i was taking a bath contemplating if i should go to school or not. my mind was too busy weighing the odds, trying to convince myself that it's okay to skip class today. that since none of the professors showed up last tuesday, in case they show up today, it will be the 'first day'. and it's okay to miss the first day, i guess. and adding the fact that i'm sick. okay, not really that sick. but i am sick in some considerable level. so whatever. classes are suspended anyway. it would be good if tomorrow's classes will be suspended too because my gensoc prof decided it's time for a quiz. who does that??
so anyway, that's about it, for now. again. be back when i'm back ;)

Most Needed Update

this blog needs an udpade, badly. who owns a blog with a 2007 last blog post?? me. haha

anyway, it's 2009 already. two years have passed. of course a lot have changed too. as i was reading my older (nearly ancient) posts, i started smiling to myself, reminiscing about those days when i was too young and kind of immature. oh well, it's different now. by next year i will be graduating already. well, i'm still not so sure about that. classes have just started and it's already freaking me out. i guess a college diploma won't come easy.
i noticed how my previous blog entries mostly (if not all) talked about my really young love life. haha. i guess most of us pass through that certain phase in our lives when all we can think about are crushes, puppy loves, and tons of wishful thinking. i'm not saying i don't entertain imaginings anymore. it's just that when you get older and reach a certain point in your life, you begin to let go of childish dreams and start holding on to what really matters. it's that time when you inject a healthy dose of discipline into your system so you won't go off track. but i still do, go off track, once in a while. hihi

enough of that, for now. wonder if i'd really have time to give this blog the update it needs ;)

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