Tuesday, October 31, 2006


"it's weird as it happens.
you still love the person but you stop needing them like you used to."

i fell in love with a boy. it's that kind of love coated with sugared words and endless dreams. i was young, so was he. i remember how it began; it was on that day of june when i first saw the face i never thought would own a space in my busy mind. he made a smooth way from my brain, through my spine, and eventually down to my fragile heart. momentary bliss. i finally found one great reason to finally love the thought of having to go to school. swept off my feet, i was soaring high the blue skies. but time went speeding by. taking me into its arms, away from the magical sparks of my fantasy.

months passed. i have changed. i wasn't young anymore, yet still he was. what was sweet slowly took its turn. reality came knocking at my door.

but reality doesn't bite hard, i guess. sweet. sour. sweet!

i never guessed it was possible. my impossible dream came true, knocking the hell out of me. days of joy. weeks of fun. a month of purely innocent affection. he made me smile. gave me hope. 'til it's over.

good things never seem to last. . .they all have their endings. no matter how modest or grand.

although i wanted to love him, he made me want to quit giving.

time just flies shitty fast. it took me way beyond my imagination. i was running a race, alone. i reached the end. how did i ever win?

March 31, 2006

funny, isn’t it? just when you get to have what you have longed to have, everything just seems to be wrong. well, i don’t know if it works that way for you. but to me that’s how it is.

let’s just say that i finally got what i want most, but it doesn’t just feel right. it’s not that i am not happy about it. hell yes, i am happy. it’s just that, something bothers me. and i don’t know what it is.

i woke up early and feeling bad today. i slept past three, ignoring the fact that
i was sick already. so now i have to bear with the pain down my throat. uhg.

physically and emotionally sick, how fortunate.

anyway, that’s how i got to think of writing it down.

i don’t want to talk, it hurts me.

well, just like how i said earlier, something happened that made me have what i long yearned for. i bet you, if you were in my place, you’d probably be the happiest and most inspired young lady on earth. it’s just like the man you loved for two years has just confessed to you that he was starting to like you too. or like, your mother told you that you won the lottery and that you are 80 million richer now. marvelous. who wouldn’t want that? consider me lucky. Haha.
i think God loves me. really.

now, if i say that something still bothers me, would that be right? i guess not. i want to feel right. i am happy, lucky, and inspired. i am contented. i am beginning to think that I don’t make sense anymore. well, you can’t blame me.

to conclude, i guess i just haven’t absorbed the fact that the dream I’ve dreamt all this time has already come to reality. and it keeps bugging me, so i feel bothered. but really, the feeling’s just overwhelming and unbelievable.

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